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Positive Discipline Techniques (continue...)

Positive Discipline (Home) Kids Behavioral Problems Power Struggles With Kids Discipline With Love Discipline With Humor Positive Discipline Techniques (Part 1)

5. Inform The Consequences Of Misbehaving

When a kid misbehaves, tell him or show him (if possible) the consequences of his misdeed. A young kid may not know hitting, biting, and pinching hurt others. Nor may he know playing with the electric fan is dangerous. He is just too young to know.

If we simply scold him for being naughty, it will shut him off without teaching him anything. If we gently explain to him, show him the other kid hurts because of his rude behavior, he'll learn to empathize with others.

As for the electric fan, he'll learn that he'll hurt his finger if he were to play with it, and worse, he'll not wake up if electrocuted and mama would be very sad.

But informing of consequences should not be seen as threatening the kids. If the intention is good and will teach them to behave better, even if it seems threatening, it's still an effective discipline technique.

Of course, the consequences of misbehaving should not be something like "you will not have dinner if you...", "I'll throw your toys away if you...", "I'll give you to the garbage man if you...", etc...This really hurts.

6. Set Limits And Be Consistent

Set limits and follow through. It is important that kids know that certain behaviors are no laughing matter and should not be tolerated.

If your kid is repeating to hit his playmates or to jump from the staircase even after you have clearly pointed out the consequences of his behavior and offered alternative ways for him to express himself, be firm and give him a final choice.

Kids need limits so that they know what should be done and what should not. Give them simple explanations about the limits you set. And once the limits are set, be consistent to follow through.

Young kids will get confused if one moment we restrict certain behaviors and another moment we let loose. They'll not know what to do and can't tell what's wrong and what's right.

Setting limits will also indirectly tell the kids we parents are in control. This will help them to check with us before things are beyond control. And by following through, it tells the kids once a final choice is given, they'll have to face the consequences of not obeying.

And this can be done by firmly but lovingly executing the final option the kids know about. The kids will learn a better lesson if we act firmly but not angrily.

7. Talk With Kids

A kid in the midst of throwing tantrum will not listen to you, and that's for sure. By talking with kids I don't mean to lecture them or over-explain your expectation to them.

Talking "with" often means 2-way conversation. As parents we should encourage our kids to speak up and to express themselves effectively.

Instead of asking the kids to listen to you, get down to their level to listen to them. Be empathic with their feelings. Ask if they are hurt, why they behave badly, and encourage them to give suggestions what should be done if they were to repeat the mistake. Give necessary guidance along the way.

This is a very useful and effective discipline technique for kids 5 to 6 years old. Kids of this age range can usually understand cause and effect. With kids participating in their own discipline, they will be more responsible for their actions and will gradually develop self-discipline at a later stage.

8. Get Older Kids To Be More Responsible

When siblings or a group of kids are together playing, reading, watching TV shows or doing any activity, get the older ones to be in charge of the group. We can nominate a 'leader' and give him clear instruction on how to look after the younger ones.

This will create a sense of leadership for the older kid and he will be more than willing to help out to solve any conflict if any. Also, as a leader, he won't be much of a problem himself...usually...unless he's the centre of conflict. And the younger ones will always love to follow what the big brother or sister is doing.

Sometimes kids solve problem among themselves better than we intervene as adults. They will have their kiddy ways to resolve matters and in no time, they are playing happily together again.

9. Set A Time Table

Plan ahead and set a time table based on our kids' routine. Let's get to know our kids' temperament and get them occupied with activities that both the kids and us agreed upon at a pre-set time.

Sometimes after taking bath and before we retired, Adriel would look at the clock and said, "mommy, it's still early, let's read the skeleton book". We then both enjoyed reading the book about human body.

After awhile, he would again look at the clock and said, "can I play the computer games for half an hour?". And he would make sure he turned the PC off after 30 minutes.

Setting time limit and put activities in time table will teach the kids, especially the older kids, time management and responsibilities. They will have to honor what they promised to do in the time table.

But this doesn't mean we leave them alone just like that. Do take time to be with them to accomplish the activities.

There're no hard and fast rules to discipline our kids. What it takes are time, repetition and our unconditional love. And believe me, kids are not impossible but are teachable, moldable and loveable.

And as much as we possibly can, let our kids be kids…and let’s give them a happy, carefree and memorable childhood!

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