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Kids Behavioral ProblemsUnderstanding what needs discipline, and what not
In certain circumstances, the real factors or reasons behind the misbehavior could be beyond our kids' control. Most young kids lack the ability to express themselves, and throwing tantrum seems the only way to show their frustration. The behavioral problems can't be fixed just like that without proper reasoning why the kids act in such a way. And the fixing can be long term. Before we take action to discipline our kids, we must understand the true reasons behind the misbehavior, and whether the misbehavior deserves disciplinary action (positive discipline...with dignity, of course).
The first thing I check when my kids seem impossible to quiet down is whether they are hungry or sleepy. When the kids are feeling hungry or overtired, unless they are too engrossed in playing, hunger and fatigue bound to make behavioral issues. This is especially obvious in younger kids.
After that he wanted to arrange the dining chairs, then screamed sharply when someone accidentally touched the chair... After that he demanded to be carried, and struggled to let loose because you were not carrying the way he wanted... Then he refused to take his food...crying...whining...in short, everything not his way! Finally I got to know that he had skipped his nap and what he actually needed was a good sleep. Imagine if I were to lose my cool and yell at him or spank him to stop his tantrum...
Another 2 main factors that can trigger misbehavior and yet not true behavioral problem are sickness and stress. A sick child that cries continuously and refuses to eat is indeed having problem, but what he needs is medical and loving care from his parents, not scolding, or some other disciplinary actions. Likewise, a stressed-out kid may ignore his parents and disobey their instruction. He may simply close his ears and lock himself out from anyone while he's struggling to get out of the stressful situation. Parents must be sensitive to the kid's temperament and act accordingly. In this case, we must comfort the kid by helping him to express his anxiety and to solve his problems together. Knowing the real reasons why our kids do things will help us not to punish them wrongfully. As parents, we need to look for the underlying cause of the behavior and help our kids to recognize the problem and how to communicate their needs more appropriately.
If we identify that the wrongdoing is deliberately made, we must help the kid to understand it and to discipline him immediately. What I mean is to point out the misbehavior to him right away, not wait until the next minute when the kid no longer remembers what he has actually done. We may not require the misbehaved kid to repent or to rectify his behavior immediately. This depends on the severity of the wrongdoing made. If he's lying, stealing, hitting other kids, then immediate disciplinary action is required. If he's running around the house, jumping on his bed, lying his toys all over the floor, you may give him some time to figure out what to do after your first warning.
While some need a quick fix, others may need a long term remedy. But please bear in mind, spanking gets no where. My quick fix here is not spanking. It's more of redirecting for toddler and turning a 'No' into a 'Yes' technique for preschooler. What about those misbehaviors caused by hunger or fatigue? I would plan our daily routine around the kids accordingly. As parents who like to do things together with the kids, dear hubby and I always plan around our kids. Of course we need not 100% follow the kids routine, but do take their routine into consideration and you'll see happy ending. When facing with misbehaved kids, parents should act rationally rather than to act upon impulse. We must see the real situation but not discipline our kids out of angers.
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